I am falling in love with Grief

» How the polarities and divisiveness of our times broke my heart (open) «

In today's landscape of fear and disconnection from each other, polarised still further by the politicizing of responses to this COVID phenomena, I land with an inner knowing that our collective heart ache is both the bridge and the doorway by which we can find the eloquence to be in connection again.

Grief and Love are two sides of the same coin.

Love is the higher octave of Grief, and can be experienced simultaneously.

As I let that land with me, I can feel the polarity lessen, and I become less panicked, and more ok with the ache I carry in my heart. 

I am remembering Rumi's beautiful poem, and I shall paraphrase it to how I first heard it shared with me, for this is how it turns up in my life.

We must be willing to be broken and broken and broken until our heart opens. 

It is the willingness, hey? Are we there yet in our lives where we are willingly loving, knowing the law of impermanence will prevail, and yet love all the same? Loss and Grief are inherent to our human experience. 

And it is the doorway to connection.

Heart ache and grief are a paradox. It is the intersection of our yearning to belong, and our stretching out to be seen, heard and validated for who we are. 

My life matters AND I want to be in connection with you. 

To hang out in this space, can bring us to our knees. At yet, here I have an option: am I willing to be broken and broken and broken until my heart opens? Or shall I disconnect and ignore the estrangement and heart ache?

This intersection is new territory for me. To be willing to feel the heartache has meant that I am turning up and engaging with life again, rather than cloistering myself away, monk styles, from the world. 

As I scan back over my personal biography, the stories that carry Grief, that at the time, felt brutal and unjust, have contributed to my biggest growth in consciousness and wisdom. These moments have taught me to align to this wisdom, and from there, the expanded states of love, compassion and creativity, are the side-effects of this willingness.

This willingness has taken me to what I once dreaded to feel; the Collective Grief of this Earth, and Humanity. The state we are in collectively brings me to my knees daily. My heartache is, finally, profound. 

And yet, I see the service that lies in carrying this Collective Grief. And here lies the paradox; I feel more connected, and more hope-filled because of this Grief. 

Grief is a messenger from Spirit. She calls us to be raw and honest. To descend into the places within us that hold the 'dark wisdom'. While heartache can feel like an ultimate severing, the ancient tincture of Grief is to bring us back into connection. With Self and with Other. Where we discover, we are one and the same. Here lies the higher octave of Grief. 

My deepest wish is for the higher octave of Grief: Love, to be shown and known, for all of us.

Let the heartache begin. Let it be felt and seen and expressed. Let the medicine of Grief create the doorway and the bridge that's needed in these days. 

So be it. And so it is.